Look this comes off as totally weak. If you're a strong developer as you claim you have no god damn problem. Tell your wife, "Look these assholes are busting my balls, I'll figure something out within a month" and hustle your ass off and you'll get a job. The market is hot as fuck right now and it is easier than ever to get a high paying job.

If you have no university degree and next to no industry experience, 40k is not that far off the mark. But if you're doing the work of a 75ker, you should be able to convince someone you're worth at least say 60k. I find it strange that you had kids before you were making the kind of money you need to support them.