1. OpenSSL (or this time LibreSSL) has a vulnerability discovered.
2. Everyone gets in an uproar about how we need a clean implementation in a language that prevents stupid errors.
3. Someone suggests unit testing. tptacek tells them to go away.
4. Someone actually points out a Haskell project (https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=7557089).
5. People poo poo any alternative to OpenSSL because it's not 100% feature complete and besides the best crypto people are already working on OpenSSL so what do these schmucks know?
6. Someone points out that in higher level languages it's hard to write code that is resistant against timing attacks. The discussion dies.
I see only two alternatives. Either as a community we actually stop bike shedding and throw our weight behind a project that might actually become a good alternative to OpenSSL, or we accept that the canonical TLS library will be written in C and have bugs that are periodically discovered and quickly patched.