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You can be self-promoting without being a jerk. The problem is it's hard to finesse that, and it's a lot more acceptable for men to cross the line than for women to do it.

I think it's mostly because we have this pernicious idea that manhood is somehow related to dominating others.

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Is that idea pernicious?

Think in the animal world, is that pernicious that the best wolf leader is the only one that reproduce? Does it make (slightly) sense?.

Is pernicious that the best scientist, or athlete that dominates others in their field is somewhat more attractive to women? Does it make (slightly) sense?.

Maybe it is pernicious for those that are not that dominant.

It does make sense that successful people are more attractive to others, and that's probably not a bad thing.

I was referring more to domination in the sense of forcing your will on others, especially if it's done assholishly. A lot of people feel that you're a "real" man if and only if you're richer/stronger/getting more women/etc. than other men.

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