I have rarely meet other programmers apart from the few ones at work, and usually we don't socialise outside of work. I think this is the norm. I haven't noticed any kind of scene. The average programmer is quite anonymous. You code, and then you go home. Maybe you go drinking with your flatmates, one of who might be a plumber and the other a teacher. They don't talk to you about about plumbing, and you don't talk to them about programming. You talk about football or whatever.
I think it might help Noah to just live the life of the average programmer, and not go to all these political or tech conventions where your brother image has a life of its own. Not to socialise exclusively with people who are in the same line of work as you are.