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Comment by morbidhawk | Hacker News Reader

> When we win, we try for more; when we fail, we cut back.

Thanks for sharing this book, OP. I've personally seen this range of ambition in my own life. I can very much relate to this. When I was younger I was always seeking more out of life. Now becoming an adult and struggling as sole-provider of my family and spending many years attending university while trying to help my wife through severe depression and my special-needs child I am now careful about finding new commitments and I'm trying to greatly simplify my life.

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I feel there's more to this. I've suffered from chronic depression throughout my entire life. The last bout caused me to quit my job and move back to our family home.

Early in my life when I hadn't experienced failure, I used to aspire a lot and actually did achieve quite a bit despite my shortcomings. Programming whilst depressed isn't an easy task. I've been actively trying to get back into the rat race and trying to pursue something achievable yet worth doing.

So while we cut back, we define our limitations and make further goals achievable (rather than moonshots). I'm not going to be the president or a CEO of a $100BN company anytime soon, but it's not like I couldn't cut it as a dev at a decent company.

In failing we realise our limits and rediscover humility.

> Early in my life when I hadn't experienced failure, I used to aspire a lot and actually did achieve quite a bit despite my shortcomings

I was just like this too. I would have preferred experiencing more failure when I was younger when the risks held less consequences. Now I feel like I never met the expectations of my former self but now my future aspirations are more achievable. Rather than running my own business like I always wanted to do or working for a big-name tech company, I'll be happy when I self-publish the book I'm working on with no expectation of it being successful. I am happy with progress since progress is better than failure and doesn't have the same negative consequences when I don't succeed.

> progress is better than failure and doesn't have the same negative consequences

For sure, we need to keep moving. I like to compare us to sharks, if we stand still we exponentially increase our chances of failing.

I'd love to read that book of yours once it's done. Taking care of the two most important people in your life whilst juggling a career is no easy task.

It's an honorable thing you are doing helping your wife out with severe depression. I myself suffer from anxiety disorder and depression and it is difficult to make others understand my plight. The requirements for taking care of a special-needs child are equally challenging I'm sure.

Thanks, I hope you are able to find people who are more understanding. My personal opinion is that people who haven't experienced depression, abuse, or poverty can't understand it. This might just be based on my own experience since I was raised in a family who judges and minimizes those things and I doubt they'll ever change.

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