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Comment by trcollinson | Hacker News Reader

So, what makes your boss such an "asshole" as you put it? I am not by any means trying to prove whether or not your boss is actually an asshole, but trying to find out why you think your boss is.

I have had bosses who I thought were horrible and many others around me liked them. I have had bosses that I would go to the ends of the earth with and my co-workers thought I was crazy. A lot of times it is personality and confidence (in yourself and in your manager) which dictate how well you will get along.

How to find the right match when you are interviewing? Well, how many dates does it take for you to decide who you'd like to marry? Do you marry everyone you date? In this business, I think it's best to not get too emotionally tied down. You're going to move, and that's ok.

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Indeed, the relativism of all of this is very important.

Can you put your finger on what you boss does that is unacceptable? Is it because of:

* the way she/he makes decisions? * the way she/he provides feedback? * the way she/he defines success for your tasks? * the way she/he socializes?

If you uncover the underlying behavior that could be better, this should help you do a bunch of things:

* Decide for yourself how you would handle these situations * "Manage up", by framing what you bring to your boss differently and giving feedback, if possible * Learn not to behave in this way for others * Recognize these traits in others more quickly so you can get ahead of the behavior and in the worst case avoid those people.

I know none of this answers your question. To find an environment that you thrive in might take a good bit of trial and error over the years, plus a good bit of "character building."

Ok so I can guarantee you this isn't all in my mind or some relativist bullshit. This boss is the kind of person who walks into a meeting late, often clueless about the topic of discussion, then yelling ensues because he's confused or some feature wasn't implemented as he supposedly requested and then he berates my team members in front of others and you can sense the vibe of dog shittiness in the room by the utter silence that follows.

He is notorious at the company for being _the_ asshole boss. Just mention his name once to employees (especially those who've been with the company for 2-3 years for instance) in other departments and while some won't say it out loud, you can tell from their face they know and they feel for you.

I apologize for the swearing. In reality, I am actually the kind of person who avoids swearing at all but this job is changing me in such terrible ways. Yes I am angry and I am desperately searching for a decent company to give me an opportunity where I can grow and contribute in a more positive environment. I am not asking for a stress-free environment (stress doesn't signal the job is bad necessarily) , I am asking for basic human courtesy and professionalism.

Wow. Is there anyone ay the company you can talk to about changing teams? Someone who's your boss's peer that you like and trust? Tell them it isn't working out and ask if you can use them as a reference. You might be able to change teams in the company but, if you can't, its always good to have a reference.

This is going to sound like paranoia (and some part of it probably is). I've thought about talking to perhaps HR or recruiting to see if I can move to another department. However, I feel as long as this individual is at the company, it will be difficult. This person is unpredictable. One day he is happy. Another day, he is totally on edge and ready to shout. He might decide that my lack of "loyalty" to him as a personal offence. He is close with upper management (CEO, etc.) and he can easily influence them and potentially make my life miserable.

You know its so funny. I love the company itself and the product. They truly have some innovative technology (as cliche as that sounds).Though, I think the lesson I've learned from all this is that I need to look at my manager(s) as MUCH as (or more than) I look at the product or my salary.

That sucks. Oh well, looks like you'll need to go outside of the company. Just remember: don't badmouth your current company when you apply for jobs; just say that your ready for a new challenge. No matter how unbearable your position is, it never comes off well to gripe about it to the next person that you're asking for a job.

Communication style can have a lot to do with quality of match. There are a lot of flaws with things like Myers-Briggs personality analysis, and I don't want to incite any flameage, but I will say that it can go a long way to identifying how people prefer to receive information. It was really eye-opening to me when I discovered the tool. My boss was extremely into details -- I like my reports to give cogent, high-level summaries. My boss hated my status reports, because I wrote what I wanted to get, not what he wanted to get. He thought my status reports were 95% content-free, I thought they gave a clear distillation of the issues. Needless to say, I changed my writing style, and things got better. A few years later, roles were reversed. One report of mine wrote status reports where I could not find the point in the swimming-pool of low-level details. Only this time, I understood the problem, and coached her on the way I needed to get information to keep my brain in the game.

I'm not the one you're asking. But there are some things that are pretty clear, not just "I think my boss is".

- Unreasonable demands (be available 24/7, when that wasn't clear up front or isn't a normal part of the position).

- Stabbing you in the back to make the boss look good.

- Verbal (or even physical!) abuse.

- Lying to you.

Note well: No resemblance to my current boss, and very little to any boss I've ever had.

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