Comment by Mz | Hacker News Reader

Comment by Mz | Hacker News Reader

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As a former full time wife and mom, let me respectfully suggest that if your wife gave birth to two kids while you were going to school and the sole provider, she probably was doing more than just sleeping all day. A lot more.

I am sorry for your personal problems and your marital problems. But I am not convinced that your remarks about your wife are an accurate assessment. My husband used to say similar things about me. When we were married, he had the career of his dreams and was going to college with plans to get his PhD and become a college professor. We got divorced. He seems to have given up on getting a PhD etc. It has been a lot of years. His life seems to be okay. It isn't terrible. But his ability to pursue his dreams seems like it died when his "do nothing" wife with an abusive childhood left the picture. He now cooks for his cute new wife, something he never did for me, and she is in school, but his big dreams seem to have been abandoned.

I am not trying to be mean here. I sincerely hope you get your problems resolved. But I think you are underestimating the work involved in raising kids, running a household and supporting a man's career. I often slept during the day because, unlike him, the kids were waking me up at night.

Best.

I respect your experience and insight. No one can fully understand being a stay at home mom unless they are one. My experience is a little different. My wife would do close to 0 housework, wake up at 1pm and watch the kids until I got home and then she'd go lock herself in her room. Trying to change any of that always ended with her being aggressive physically. I'm sure she'd have her own side to that story. I agree that raising kids can be extremely difficult but I've dealt w/ a level of crazy I wasn't prepared for

"Level of crazy I wasn't prepared for" may sum up all marriages.

I am genuinely not trying to be dismissive of your side of it. Often, things get better simply because the babies get older. Infants and toddlers are incredibly demanding.

Anyway, best of luck. Sincerely.

To begin, I think this was a perfectly healthy and rational conversation, and that no one involved was in the wrong, in any way.

That said, I think this may show one reason men are enticed to "take the red pill." Morbidhawk claimed that his marriage was in shambles until he changed the way he acted toward his wife, and that she was irrational and entitled. Without knowing his situation, most repliers accused him of not being sympathetic enough for his wife, and then that his wife was actually working much harder than he gave her credit for.

It's difficult for me to avoid bias, but I'm trying, and the point I want to make is that TRP preaches looking at the situation and social dynamics objectively, without contemporary cultural filters, and this is attractive to those who may have had experiences contrary to what that contemporary culture preaches.

I am actually really sympathetic to the fact that men have to put up with a lot of bullshit misandry these days. I sometimes blog about my opinions about gender issues. I try to be even-handed. I am apparently successful enough (at being edven handed) that my own blog posts sometimes make the front page of HN. I do my best to try to promote respectful dialogue between the genders. I do not believe man bashing or woman bashing is a great path forward here for the world. I do my best to walk the walk.

This is my personal blog: http://micheleincalifornia.blogspot.com/

Purely coincidentally, since it gets updated erratically, the most recent post is titled A Few Good Men.

FWIW, I suspect the fact that I am not some kind of man-hating bitch likely factors into my prominence on HN in spite of my gender.

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