I see the complete flip side. My son is happy, can fall asleep fine on his own, and enjoys playing with his cousins as well as with himself and his toys, all at 15 months, and I'd sooner gouge out my eye then let him cry it out. He's a baby, and I don't see how any parent could sit by and let a child with tears in his eyes sit alone in the dark and ignore him. I'm not one to tell people how to parent their children, so don't take any of the preceding as me passing judgement on you; rather, it's merely my view on it.
However, "parents have different needs" sounds wrong. I'm all for parents still meeting their own needs and their partners, but any parent that can't put the child's needs ahead of their own when needed is neglecting their child. I don't think that's what you mean, mind you. But, I'm sure you're aware of the parents out there who put their needs before their child's without thought or consideration, and that just strikes me as wrong.
As for why I think it bothers parents so much what other parents do when they perceive it as wrong, I think a lot of it has to do with the thinking "If that is what I was doing to my children..." and not liking what would happen.