Maybe "that's an insensitive and provocative phrasing" would be a fair criticism though?

That's not a question, it's a textbook example of the complex question fallacy, which is dishonest rhetorical trickery. Also useful if you just want to insult someone but pretend you're asking a question. If a person was just interested in the guys relationship with his brother, they'd ask "how come your relationship with your brother is so trash?", without the loaded accusation at the end.

It's the same category as "so, have you stopped beating your wife yet?"

Are you saying that because you think about murdering people all the time? It's a valid question; I pass no judgment.