* "Especially stay away from “tips”." Ha. My friend - most of the big earnings are made from tips. Financial markets are awash in near-insider trading. It's totally institutionalized. "Tips" are how some of the biggest funds make 100% of their money. Do you honestly think these people are better investors? They pay 'consultants' to talk and try to glean info or they're just passed tips directly.
* There are very well established mathematical mechanisms for proper hedging, diversification and risk management. Most stocks are correlated with other stocks, usually in the same sector. There are mechanisms to evaluate correlations across a portfolio and find inversely correlated stocks to properly hedge. It has nothing to do with those companies, usually sectors.
* "Actually, if you have the tiniest bit of patience and a decent stomach, volatility is awesome" - this is your, personal investment approach. It has nothing to do with what funds may or may not do WRT to volatility. You missed my point: some funds will pay a heavy price for more volatility in the market, given their strategy. So volatility is pretty important and relevant to any strategy.
* "I don’t think proper investing is anything like gambling and I’m pretty sure you’re not playing a zero sum game."
Yes - investing is gambling. There is only about 1% GDP growth in the US economy in a given year. This means there are very little surpluses to be spread out. If funds could only fight for those surpluses, then nobody would be getting amazing returns, and most funds would get 0% return. Ergo - it's mostly a zero-sum game. Meaning - your winnings come from others loses. Meaning: it's poker - and strategies mostly involve understanding how other people invest.
Do you know the saying - when you look around the poker table if you don't see the 'mark' - then the 'mark' is you? You are playing against people who have access to inside information, better research, better trading tools, and tons of staff. Do you think you're going to beat them?
Almost every retail investor is a 'mark'. They are giving their money to the hedge funds. The same can almost also be said for larger funds, often lazily managed.