Comment by sebringj | Hacker News Reader

Comment by sebringj | Hacker News Reader

This is really for my fellow single male programmers.

I think programmers tend to identify with being socially awkward as we spend our time focusing on analytical problems usually by ourselves or with similar individuals which emphasizes our brain's wiring to be that way even more so over time, then the less traveled wiring weakens over time (social wiring, your developer buddies don't count).

The crux is we are all social creatures and need to feel accepted by the opposite sex. If we fall short, we will spin ad infinitum worrying about it. Its a deep rooted need within us and cannot be rationalized away, similar to rationalizing you are full when you haven't eaten for a long time. You must take action. Blame Darwin if you must but do something about it.

Because a lot of programmers like me are social pansies when it comes to taking risks, you can try this approach first. Do real weights and wind sprints and eat right to promote testosterone as looking like a dude attracts women. Running long distances way too often will make you a look like a unic twig, lower your testosterone levels, and rob you of muscle. I can't stress enough how the right eating habits and exercise will change everything, most likely within 90 days you'll see a huge difference like night and day, looking lean and mean. Your personality will also have changed, being more confident and bold with the added bonus of girls looking your way. You will become more attractive to females in other words, prepping you for the next step.

Now you are ready to take the issue head on and expose yourself to as many social situations as possible, forcing your social wiring to strengthen, but with the caveat of not giving a shit of individual outcomes, thinking of it more like the sheer act of doing this long enough will cause things to move in the right direction. To truly not give a shit is freeing and what's odd about that is people (especially women) seem to like you much more when you are worry free and have a natural comfort about yourself. Women truly are like buses where the next one will come along simply because there are so many fucking people in the world. Break some eggs and get out there.

> The crux is we are all social creatures and need to feel accepted by the opposite sex.

Yeah, no.

> If we fall short, we will spin ad infinitum worrying about it.

Nope.

> Its a deep rooted need within us and cannot be rationalized away, similar to rationalizing you are full when you haven't eaten for a long time.

Lol. No.

> Lose weight, eat right, get fit, etc etc etc

I lost 120 lb's and got down to 10% body fat when I was in my early 20's (300 to 180) having been extremely fat my whole life up to that point. I was still a nervous wreck with severe self confidence issues. I did it for women like OP says to above. Please don't make the same mistake I did. Do it for yourself. Do it for your own health. If you do it for such shallow reasons like the OP is saying, you won't keep it off. It takes work and it takes time. Also, you don't need to be fit with a 6 pack to talk to/pick up/ask out women. All you need is self confidence, and thats not something you can get by lifting weights. Anybody who tells you different is naive and a fool (and probably more insecure than you). The best piece of advice I ever got when it comes to confidence: Know yourself, appreciate yourself, love yourself - if you can't do any of those things how do you expect someone else to.

Ok. I accept your individual experience. I would then tell you that what I've written may not be for every single heterosexual male in every conceivable case as the permutations of gene combinations are quite daunting and its possible to have so many varied outcomes that are atypical.

The working out thing isn't about hubris or for women. Its for you. What happens when you change your body's chemistry makeup to promote testosterone, rather than lots of fat having the effect of creating estrogen and lowering T and your outlook in life... the methods to increase T change your personality so you are more of a risk taker and are better able to have that boldness to talk to women and take action in general in life, while also being more attractive, if that was your problem in the first place. You may be horribly shy etc but at least you are more embolden to take action than being out of shape, creating estrogen and logically, you will have less reason to have lower self confidence. Its a good place to start to become more social as your physicality is primed for it.

It is not shallow to promote an optimized version of yourself and I would talk about more areas of finance and giving as well but that is outside of the subject. Taking care of yourself is something that you will regret if you don't.

I'm very past even worrying about women now, I only worry about one and have 3 young sons. However, my strategy worked so well with such dramatic results that I felt the need to share that experience. Maybe the writing style should be more IMO-style, "careful to not offend everyone", but again, I'm still doing the lifestyle health thing and will do it till I die. I have plenty of boldness to go around, now focusing that energy on attacking the business world.

I have tried your strategy with 0 change in results. Success in this matter is determined by many more factors than just being in above average shape and your trying to present it otherwise is disingenuous at best and harmful at worst.

Disingenuous is insulting. It isn't something you try. Its something you live. Also the what you eat is actually most important, much more so over working out but working out just makes you look nice too. There are precursors that definitely put us in the right position for social acceptance. Go ahead and list the ones that have worked for you. If none have worked, I am sorry about that. Also, I'm not selling anything, just noting what worked for me. My advice is free and without agenda. Its completely free if you fuck off as well with your insulting bullshit.

why just the opposite sex? actually, i believe all the gendered parts of your point could simply be removed.

Testosterone, namely. I talk about what I know. That type of thinking dismisses everyone as generic. We are all varied creatures with our own distinct traits however specific gender and sexual preferences have a common pattern. For me to talk outside of preferences that I do not understand is doing injustice to those that hold them.

Wow, actual advice that works gets down voted. This is a bit of irony but also tragic. The group that needs this type of advice the most, will not take it.

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