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Is there any way to keep WhatsApp and Facebook separate? It seems that either a) I use WhatsApp and have Facebook collect my data, or b) don't use WhatsApp.

There seems to be a complete lack of choice with what they do with my data.

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You can use other messaging services. But the one you use may get bought up. They are fickle.

Why isn't there a popular p2p solution to messaging (other than email)?

Email is not p2p. And building an encrypted p2p is technically hard. Building a p2p even without encryption has UX problems. The other problem is how to make money from it? What's the incentive (for a private) to build it?

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