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Comment by techiferous | Hacker News Reader

Here's another catch-22: the depth of grief that someone experiences when losing a loved one is equal to the height of joy that they experienced when the lover was alive.

The solution is not to avoid deep love, it's to love deeply and be okay with grieving deeply.

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That's just a theory. I've never experienced joy/sorrow as a zero-sum game.

Funny, I see the solution as being avoiding the attachment to begin with. His argument applies whether or not you have cancer. Relying on another person for happiness is a foolish move. It is a much better idea to learn to enjoy solitude.

Very Zen.

On the other hand:

Ten no atauru o torazareba, kaette sono toga o uku ;

Toki itatte okonawazareba, kaette sono wazawai o uku.

Not to take what Heaven gives is to incur Heaven's calamity; not to act when the moment comes is to incur Heaven's misfortune.

(Miura, Isshū and Ruth Fuller Sasaki, The Zen Koan. San Diego: Harvest/HBJ, 1965. 119. Print.)

Attachment to what is impermanent is not heaven, it is a cause of suffering. When what one is attached to ceases to exists, pain fills it's place. By minimizing the amount of attachment one has to the world (in all ways, not just attachment to a person) one lessens the amount of suffering one can experience.

From the Dhammapada:

From what's loved is born grief, from what's loved is born fear. For one freed from what's loved there's no grief — so how fear?

http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/kn/dhp/dhp.16.than.h...

That isn't a catch-22.

That's the spirit.

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