If you are working with (b|m)illions of particles or entities which are capable of changing ownership, you will have a hard time in any language. Whether that's the C++ ownership being unclear or the garbage collector defragmenting your memory (just because you don't see the issue doesn't means it's gone in GC languages).
That said, typically I find most algorithms have a computable upper-bound memory constraint and so you just pre-allocate a slab and then objects reference it. You will usually get better cache coherency and less wasted operations/sec. You're left with only a couple pointers you need to delete when you're done with the structure.
As for `functional programming`, it depends on what you're looking for. C++ has two killer features for this, in my opinion; expression templates can seriously improve performance of functional composition (see Eigen3), and compile-time elision of type-dependent code branches (like a static if).
Since I have learned to use `unique_ptr`, `shared_ptr`, `weak_ptr`, (`deferred_ptr`), and to prefer idiomatic accessors like `.at`, `.find`, `.insert` I cannot recall the last time Valgrind was angry at me. I think I end up writing `new` and `delete` maybe once a month(?).
If I was designing widgets or applications with hard to define user interaction, I imagine I would have more complaints to share.