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Cultivating Friendgineers

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24 pointsomarish12 comments

Do you find that having so much positivity in your retros silences voices that might be going against the status quo? Serious question.

We've been struggling in our recent retros to find any negatives to talk about, and I've been trying to make sure we're not averse to making suggestions that might feel like complaints.

I haven't noticed it, if it happens. We have a pretty good mix of topics in our list, both happy things and painful things. We complain a lot, and maybe that didn't come through because the retro meeting and the retro email are separate, and the email only focuses on the happy stuff.

We're definitely not averse to complaining! For example, when someone writes a spec that fails randomly, that definitely gets brought up, because it affects everyone's productivity. Someone usually volunteers to help fix it, and we circle back at the next retro to make sure that it's been fixed. Complaining is A-OK as long as you're also committed to finding solutions!

It seems to me if there are actionable items that come out of it, then it will be productive. It is often possible (though not natural for most people) to frame a complaint or criticism in more positive terms. In other words, "I don't like X" can become "We should do Y to make X better."

Most people have no trouble being critical. Getting away from that tends to be hard work and can make it easier to accomplish things.

/2 cents

Are your retros a small enough group?

I am more reticent to bring up negative stuff, especially if it's mostly about myself, if my boss's boss, marketing people, lead of product, and the finance person are all sitting in on the retro. If it just manager, project manager and the rest of the engineering team, then I feel way more comfortable sharing in that kind of safe space.

this is so important! Our retros are just engineers & engineering-adjacent people (data, design, product managers). My boss sometimes comes to the meeting, his boss doesn't. I think our vp also comes sometimes, but he was one of the first engineers and is always open to feedback, so it's not like "the boss is in the room, we have to be on our best behavior"

replying to myself because this is near and dear to my heart: we also do individual team retros as part of sprint planning, which are just teams. (lead, engineers, product manager)

Stuff that comes up in these can get promoted to the all-engineering retro. If it's a controversial topic, discussing it in a small group is super helpful because 1, you can clarify your thinking before bringing it up in front of 30 people and 2, your team has your back and can support you if it becomes a heated discussion.

I know you replied 7 days ago, but I've kinda had a crazy week. Having a separate individual team repo definitely sounds good, and I like the idea of things "bubbling up". Things probably do bubble up at my team already, but I imagine my manager shields me from that stuff. Which I'm not sure if I love.

I dunno. I'm a bit more phlegmatic than most, but these sort of things bother the heck out of me.

Most of the things you get congratulated on during these events are things that the company pays you to do, and as other people said, they're not actionable. "Keep doing your job competently!" is not really an action item.

For me at least, pointing out friction and drag is a far more useful way of improving both my own skills and the amount of work the team is able to put out.

Everytime I hear congratulations on things, unless they are truly extra ordinary, I just tune out. This meeting happens every other week. What are the chances of that many extraordinary efforts being exerted every two weeks?

I agree, maybe it's also cultural but saying how great everyone was at each retro just dampers the intended effect.

I work on the team with OP. It's worth noting that in our actual retros we always discuss things causing friction & drag. All of the congratulatory stuff is done out-of-band in an email sent out after retro.

To your other point: are we celebrating mediocrity? I don't think so. While the things we call out may not fit your definition of "extraordinary", when the main discussion points are around how you can improve, it is important to celebrate wins, even small ones, to see how you have improved.

Cheer up, friend.

Here's a song for you: https://youtu.be/gH476CxJxfg?t=1m

thanks for posting this Omar!

One of the things I love about LH is how different our retro process is from the places I've worked before. It's in the middle of the day, and it's so open and friendly!

I'd love to hear what all of you do at your retros and what you like/dislike about them!

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