I've just learned to live with it, and try to manage my anxiety by refocusing the intrusive thoughts into some kind of "mana well" where i use it as energy to work harder, or center me more or as a tool to remind myself how far I've come, etc. To try to let the beast be my pet so to speak.

That can be kind of its own trap too, in a meta kind of way - if i get in that "place" where im using fear to fuel me, I can start to reinforce the fear itself and tattoo it even more on my psyche.

Ultimately its just part of who I am. I've learned to accept it.

It's also a strength. I can work circles around almost anyone, and in the face of some problem at work, no matter how "serious" it is - compared to the very real adversities I've overcome in my life, work domain problems are an idyllic wet dream by comparison.

The emotions are still there though. They kind of hang like a spectre. That's just life though, I suppose. Memory is a funny thing.

Post-traumatic stress disorder, it sounds like. You have my sympathies.