Comment by d--b | Hacker News Reader

Comment by d--b | Hacker News Reader

I am taking the exact opposite stance: now I let myself get infuriated at the very beginning of the first phone call. As much as I hate being angry, I have come to embrace the efficiency of the attitude.

I think humans get really motivated to do things for mainly 2 reasons: 1. because they gain something from completing the task (money, self satisfaction, social status, gratitude, etc.) 2. because it would cost them not to complete the task.

I noticed it myself: I am working harder for my clients that are more annoying to me. I want to make more efforts to reward my clients who are not being douchebags, but the truth is that I have more to gain from being at peace with the annoying ones that being nice to the nice ones.

It's the same reason why demanding people get upgraded in planes. The same reason that you can get a table at any reataurant if you're loud enough. Or that your internet is fixed faster if you shout through your phone.

The question is: is it more unpleasant for you to let yourself be angry or is it more unpleasant for you to not get what you want?

Acting annoyed can get you to a local maximum of helpfulness from others, but it will never get you very close to the global maximum. Moving toward the global maximum requires you to be sensitive to other people's state of mind and being angry dulls this sensitivity. Being annoyed might be a useful tool to have in your toolbox, but don't fool yourself into thinking you can't do better.

Your model of what motivates people is only valid for situations where people feel low levels of connectedness to the person they're dealing with. Essentially, you're missing an important dimension, along which you need to travel to get to the global maximum of helpfulness.

This comes back to the two primary ways of motivating someone: the carrot or the stick.

Most people use the stick, because that's what they're used to and it's what works faster. When it works. But it damages your relationship with the other person. They'll resent you for making them do something out of fear.

Of course, if it's someone who you'll never see again, maybe you don't care, but you can also learn how to motivate people in a positive way. Then, they will do things for you, because they like you.

"The squeaky wheel gets the oil." Sad but true.

Eventually, however, the persistently squeaky wheel gets replaced.

Reply on news.ycombinator.com