What’s the best feedback you got when you DIDN’T get the job?

Every one of us has been there: You applied for a job that you really wanted. You thought you did well in the interview, answering questions confidently and creating a rapport with the interviewer. Maybe you even got to the third or fourth interview. But eventually, you get that oh-so-polite email: “While your background is impressive… blah blah blah… not a good fit for the organization.”

It’s bad enough that you didn’t get the job. But you’re left wondering, “What did I do wrong?”

Every so often, fate is kind, and you get useful feedback. If you are lucky, someone is direct enough to say, “We decided we needed someone with more manufacturing experience,” or “When push came to shove, we concluded that the telecommuting was a deal breaker,” or, “The new CMO came in and decided to bring in the team from her old company.” In the best of circumstances, the knowledge gives you a way to improve.

So I’m writing an article (for a publication you know) collecting the best feedback that people received, as well as providing advice for the uncomfortable manager who has to say, “You’re not the one.” I don’t need to attribute anyone by name, though a context helps (“John applied for a programming job” is credible enough). But if you’d like to be on the record, that’s good too.

• As a job applicant who didn’t get the gig, what feedback or advice was useful or reassuring? Why?

• As a hiring manager, what have you found most effective for saying why the applicant didn’t get the job? Why do you feel that worked? How did you handle it when the truth is uncomfortable (“You offended someone by arguing with his expertise”)?

For gosh sakes, tell me stories. Maybe we can save someone else from experiencing that frustrating sense of mystery and self-flagellation.