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Comment by benibela | Hacker News Reader

I have holes in a few of my clothes.

Today I went to a shop selling needles/yarn/wool/.., so I could fix them. I arrived at the shop, was too anxious to enter and left again.

Guess the holes will have to stay.

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I have done something similar. Go to the mall because I need clothes, walk in the door, do a lap around the store, walk out and go home. I know it is ridiculous but in my head it just feels like everyone is watching me, judging me based on what I am looking at. So I just don't even look at anything. I know that isn't true when I'm sitting at home but the second I arrive the anxiety kicks into high gear. It is very frustrating sometimes. I've noticed that I don't seem to get so anxious when grocery shopping or shopping for something I know a little about. Clothing is just so out of my element that I feel like a fool and have a hard time relaxing.

It gets easier. But unfortunately it's not just a matter of putting yourself in the situations more (you'll just get accustomed to how you feel so it won't get you down as much, but you'll still feel anxious and leave).

2 things helped me a lot: mindfulness (I read "A New Earth", YMMV) and the book "Learned Optimism". I can't recommend that book enough. Doesn't sound like it has anything to do with anxiety, but it really does. Anxiety can come from a pessimistic outlook - the stories you make up for the things that go on around you that you don't have all the information on. For example, you say "it just feels like everyone is watching me". This most likely triggers thoughts like "everyone thinks I'm uncool" or "I must look so out of place" or "I'm so unattractive" etc. which makes you anxious about staying there, so you leave. And there begins the spiral or rabbit hole to debilitating anxiety, depression or feelings of worthlessness.

"Learned Optimism" is all about changing the stories you tell yourself about these situations, to nip those thoughts in the bud. There's a definite pattern to them, and it can be broken quite easily. I won't do it justice to try and explain it here, it's really best to read the book from the start and let it do the talking. Oh and check out this out: https://github.com/raganwald/presentations/blob/master/optim...

I think you hit the nail on the head about the outlook and made up stories stuff. Those do sound almost exactly like what I experience. Thank you for the comment, I'll check out the suggestions you made.

On the other hand, I would have a hard time leaving the shop without buying something.

They might think you want to steal something and watch you closely. That makes it even more stressful

You're describing me. I've always had an extremely hard time buying clothes or shoes because of that. It'd take me many years to actually go and do it, only when I really really needed it. One day I had to do it and I was so nervous while doing it that the salesgirl I was using stolen checks to do so.

I've mostly overcome it in some strange ways. I moved to another country, with a foreign language, and as a result I knew EVERYTHING I did would be severely judged one way or the other, and I would be "doing it wrong". Somehow that made my brain go all "Ah fuck it" mode so today I don't care anymore (for the most part). I just kinda get inside the store and play a role of someone who's buying clothes. I still have moments when I am unable to gather the energy to do it, but I know I can if I put myself into it.

Well damn, I did the exact same thing. But I still need to be well rested if I'm buying clothes or the anxiety might kick right back in. Sometimes it helps just sitting down and having a drink.

Hey, this is me as well. Just keep going and eventually the anxiety wears off and you can actually look at clothes. I am sorry :-(

You're still doing than a lot of people, sometimes myself included. Just keep trying, baby steps.

What sort of things would you do if one day you manage to overcome anxiety?

I just want to stay at home programming, so it does not matter much

ok, then you wont overcome social anxiety unless youn find a compelling reason to do so.

What steps have you taken so far to try to treat your anxiety?

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