I was a robot and this is what I learned

I'd hesitate to tell the OP they are wrong when they are the ones that experienced this situation and not you.

If they noticed this being a lot more common when they were in the chair than when they were out of it, that implies that the change is in them, not in the other party's base level of social anxiety. And if they are more socially anxious around people in chairs than those who are not, that is absolutely a problem to be addressed, not to be waved away as "oh, social anxiety is what it is".

Probably true. However, that's also applicable to most other forms of discrimination. A police officer responding with greater force to a black person than they would to white person is probably not thinking "I don't respect this person as a human being", but nevertheless, their actions and thought processes are different, and are legitimately -not- treating the person as, well, a full person, but as some sort of 'other' that does not demand the same respect, the same courtesy, etc. Eye contact is part of that; if they offer eye contact to able bodied people, the fact that they don't to the disabled, irrespective of the explicit thoughts going through their head, is indicative of them viewing the disabled as an 'other' that does not necessitate that same courtesy.

My parents grew a lot of tomatoes... I want to say we had at least 12 plants in a row in the garden - summer was tomato season, tomato sandwiches, fried green tomatoes, we shared and traded with neighbors for whatever was growing in their garden, and mom canned what we couldn't eat immediately so we had them all winter.

As a new parent, I'm surprised you're not more tolerant of these "save the world" hipsters since they are reducing their impact today to save the world for your child(ren).

Trying to navigate a world not built for wheels. Or reaching things high on a shelf. Or navigating narrow corridors. Or simply trying to get up on the sidewalk (some of the transition "lips" from street level to sidewalk level are more than you'd think).

Such a simulation could also serve the practical purpose of seeing how to change things to better accommodate those in chairs...

Seriously - while spending a day in a chair doesn't begin to approach what these people experience in their day-to-day lives, it does give you a fresh look and experience that will change your perspective. At least, that's what I experienced.

I wouldn't say that in my day-to-day life people are "wonderfully warm" to me randomly - but they do acknowledge me as a person, they see that I am there, and they aren't anxious (or whatever) to look at me.

But in a chair - at an Expo dedicated to products for the differently-abled of all places - things were different. Maybe what you say might be the reason - but again, many of these people were caregivers and salespeople for companies marketing products to people with chairs and needs.

In the course of working with my friend, and meeting with people who have different abilities and needs, many have impressed upon me how they themselves are perceived as lesser than able-bodied individuals. Many had this perspective after being in an accident or having come into a condition that necessitated the use of a chair later in life, so they knew how they were treated before by others, and how they are now treated.

In fact, that's how my friend came to be doing what he does; his brother came down with a condition, literally in the prime of his life. My friend saw how people treated him, and wanted to do something to alleviate this - so he turned to customizing chairs, and did so for his brother, and found that people would then talk -to- him - not around him. It was like the "cool chair" was an icebreaker or something; it eventually led to the non-profit, but making custom chairs is his real passion.

These people are more offended - and disappointed - by other not making eye contact, or talking with them - as if they aren't there. Many just want to be seen and acknowledged, like we all do.

Regarding the quietness of scooters and chairs - yes, they are insanely quiet, and in normal day-to-day situations, that can be a problem even for people who wouldn't think or dream of being a problem for those in the chairs. Perfectly understandable, but it is something that needs to have greater awareness made about. Much like there are campaigns for "watch for motorcyclists" - we need the same kind of awareness for those in these quiet chairs. My friend and I have experimented with mods to make chairs more "visible" or "audible", but we are also at odds with the manufacturers of these chairs at times (some of the things we'd like to do are near to impossible because we can't get access to the chair's "internals" - for good reason, ultimately).

Finally, I agree that not everyone, or even most people, is out to be "assholes" to those in chairs. But again, remember that I experienced all of this at an Abilities Expo - one place where I would think people would be -more- accommodating, not at the regular base-level, or less. Furthermore, I still can't discount the experiences of those who actually use these chairs on a day-to-day basis. While I acknowledge that alternate theories are possible and likely in many cases, I still think there is a widespread, perhaps unconscious "something" that causes people to act differently around those who are using such mobility devices.

You treat wheelchair users differently than you do other people, and when they say "you're treating me differently, stop doing that" you say people are exaggerating and projecting.