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Comment by jacques_chester | Hacker News Reader

I wrote this answer to a similar question a few months ago:

"I'm not dead" probably ranks highly. I am sometimes cast into a tournament against a patient, relentless salesman for death. The problem is, he knows everything about me. Everything. Every thought, every recollection, every secret shame, every regret. Everyone I've ever hurt, how I hurt them, how I let them down, how I failed them.

And he can, in a moment of pain, turn all of those into an impulse that I have to remind myself is just a feeling and even while I do that he's whispering "is it?".

Most of the time I am OK. But I know that I my emotions can just overwhelm me so suddenly and completely that it scares me. I am still learning how to live with me.

He'll probably make his sale in the end.

But I'm alive.

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The Bible describes that salesman as a liar and a thief. Remember that. He's a liar! Don't buy what he's selling, because it's a lie.

And he's a thief. He wants to steal everything your future could be, will be, and replace it with nothing.

As a Christian, I can look at those moments of shame and regret, and say "Yes, that was wrong. I failed. I hurt people. But it's forgiven. Paid for. Totally, completely, willingly paid for." And then I can remember, once again, to forgive myself.

But I don't wrestle with the salesman like you do, so I can't claim that it will help you. I think it will, but I can't really say.

Stay alive, friend. Stay alive (and well).

You should be immensely proud of that. I'm glad you're winning that one, and I hope 2017 is even better for you.

I can relate to it, and just remember that salesman is a fucking arsehole who is trying to cheat you out of some pretty awesome moments.

For what it's worth, I'm very glad you're alive and thinking about this stuff friend :) I heavily relate to that overwhelming feeling stemming from meta-emotions.

Awww. When are you coming back to NYC, Kasra?

Also: your profile text is hilariously out of date.

I think sometime in February, I'll definitely message you before I do :) I'll see about updating that hah

No worries. I'll be in Australia for most of Feb, but fingers crossed that we cross paths.

If we keep thinking about the past we will never move forward. Shit happens in our life and a lot of it some it we can control some of it and we can't. It is called destiny my friend. It is not easy to let go of the past but learn to come to understanding that everything happened for a reason. I am sure there are people that loves you and want to share countless moments with you so stay strong fight hard and never give up

> patient, relentless salesman for death.

Tell that fucker to fuck off. You don't have to listen to him. Focus on here and now. The past is gone. Enjoy your life right here right now.

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