From someone struggling with depression: I'm not a doctor, but you sound depressed. Lack of motivation in things that you used to find enjoyable is a huge red flag. It sounds like medication hasn't helped, but please don't throw away an entire tool that might be able to help. Meds aren't a silver bullet, but they DO help a lot of people, and there is evidence to suggest that flooding your brain with serotonin or dopamine can help with some aspects of depression.