ps: i need to tell this more to myself. i already made bad choices regarding where i work, which forced me to quit those jobs at the end..
(edit: spacing)
to analogize from soccer: Messi plays at Bercelona, but is from argentina. Ronaldo plays at Real Radrid, but is from portugal. if ronaldo stayed in portugal, which teams would he be able to play with that would even become close to matching real madrid ? same goes for messi and barcelona. he could have said something like 'i was born in argentina, and no one here plays soccer like barceolna/real madrid. therefore - i will not play soccer because i was born in the wrong place'
Obviously one could have thought of this before marrying and putting kids in school in the town with one tech firm - but that doesn't make it any less a reality for a lot of people.
Saying "kids we have to move because dads colleagues refuse to do proper peer reviews" just doesn't taste right :)
this was going to be my response, but then you said it yourself :)
The more intelligent and self-responsible act (which is hard, i know) would be to move to a better place before making extremely serious life choices such as marrying and having kids. same goes for partner finding - don't marry a crazy partner and then say 'I married a crazy partner and now we have 2 mutual children. i cannot leave, i am stuck with this crazy person who is also the parent of my children.'
and i know it is hard to find a non-'crazy' employer and a non-'crazy' partner- but this should be your goal and target, shouldn't it ?
also, you get better as time goes by, even if you don't want to (as long as you are a bit intelligent) - bad companies/life partners will present themselves as red-flags on an interview/date . and it is your responsibility to detect those red flags .
(edit: refactor the last paragraph)
aspect b) is that company environments change, and the fun startup can become a terrible enterprise in a decade.
I wouldn't advise against working in tech in small towns because of the risk of getting stuck in the only gig in town. I would however advise that it be factored into that career decision. One might need to fight to improve company culture, whereas in Silicon Valley one would instead take a job across the street. I'd also recommend keeping an active contact network and online profile so you can get remote work should it be necessary.
Most people born in bad places can't get out of them in large part because they're bad, since the effects of that propagate through. Why should the responsibility for a bad place, and subsequently improving it or getting out of it be placed on a person who wasn't the one to make it bad?
People who can get out of bad places are the lucky ones.