> But I can assure you that it confers basically zero status, no matter how much I'd like it to.

You could learn to free dive in a couple of weeks and use your capacity for breath holding to get yourself on most countries' national team (doubt that would cut it for the US team, but you could win some regional meets). Being a national athlete confers decent status, more so if you pick up a medal.

From a quick Google for an example, the current NZ and 4th global women's record for women is 7 minutes 45 in static apnea [1], and she easily beat the men's champion, so 8 minutes would presumably be very good. I'm basing the mapping from "apnea capability" to "free diving capability" off what a free diving friend told me.

(I don't disagree with the rest of your point.)

[1] http://www.nzherald.co.nz/sport/news/article.cfm?c_id=4&obje...