I hope you will treat this post as well-intended, even if you do not initially react to the content with a feeling of enjoyment. I'm going to try to address your long term sense of happiness and ability to participate positively on HN.
> So, what I really want to bitch about is a lack of attention for my writing ...
There's no easy way to say this, but none of us are entitled to any attention or feedback whatsoever, here or anywhere, regardless of gender or regardless of how good our ideas/code/writing are.
> anything I say about gender issues tends to get vastly more attention than anything else I do on HN in a manner that simultaneously belittles me and pigeonholes me.
I know plenty of people who post great projects on here who get no attention for it at all.
Sometimes, worse, unfortunately, they even get needlessly unkind horrible criticism.
Not getting much feedback on some of your work doesn't belittle you in any way whatsoever. Nor does it suggest people are 'focussed' on other things.
No one is so privileged that they are entitled to any feedback at all in a volunteer community.
Not you, not Linus Torvalds, not anyone.
This is true regardless of gender, regardless of ability, regardless of perceived standing in a community.
I suggest stepping back and adjusting your sense of perspective so that you appreciate what you are getting and feel appropriately grateful for it.
You are already getting far more than many people get. Hang out on 'new' for a week or two and see how many people get no feedback whatsoever.
Most people on HN, regardless of gender, would be delighted to be getting as much feedback and interaction as you already claim to receive.
Here are some articles that discuss the link between a sense of entitlement / superiority, and subsequent disappointment.
https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2016/09/160913134442.h...
http://www.upi.com/Health_News/2016/09/29/Entitled-people-ma...
http://thepowerofthrift.com/the-enemy-of-happiness-is-entitl...
All of your unhappiness about what you are getting from this volunteer community ('grumpily', 'bitch about', 'belittles') is imposed on you by yourself, not by others.
You may also find it interesting to study stoicism.
https://janifranck.co.uk/on-entitlement-and-the-stoics/
Here's a line from that article which in my view (as an uninvolved person) mirrors certain aspects of your post above.
"‘I am special, I deserve special treatment, I am ENTITLED to be treated well, dammit!’"
> Meanwhile, if I ask a question like this -- which is me, a woman, trying to develop a business idea and stop being a total fucking loser in life -- crickets chirp and no one replies at all because, no, no one wants to actually do anything constructive at all about such problems:
Reading this, I have to wonder if you are aware that your gender is totally irrelevant, when the topic at hand is not gender-related and we are interacting through text?
If you feel you are a loser in life, stop to consider all that you have and have achieved. Probably about 95% of people on the planet would trade places with you in a moment. Why do you think that is?
I wish you happiness for the future.