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Comment by Mendenhall | Hacker News Reader

First be comfortable with it, introvert and proud. Be comfortable Not talking to people,its ok. If you are at some gathering learn to be completely comfy sitting alone and chillin. No one there is more important than you, so who cares what they think. People are drawn to people who are comfortable with themselves even if not outgoing.

Be quick to smile and look people in the eye.

Practice by simply giving someone a compliment (that you mean). "nice tie" "I dig your hair" whatever.

I find large gatherings tedious and people draining but oddly at this point I am really well received, mostly because "I dont care" and a smile goes a long way.

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>be comfortable with it, introvert and proud

That's the hardest thing to understand. I had all these issues until I realized that: A) me is me, and it is permanent (and I am important to me); B) my empathy and caring what others think is mostly my own illusion.

Meta-issue is that 'be comfortable' is probably a thing that doesn't come easily. First step for me was to start to accept future uncomfortable situations, instead of trying to prevent them. Acceptance is not a comfort, but it leads to it.

I'd just like to say that it isn't permanent. You can change. I used to be extremely introverted; now I'm extremely extroverted. I still need a certain amount of alone time, and I'm fine with that, but I'm no longer what I would consider "shy". And yes, there is a difference between "shy" and "introverted", but I think that in a lot of cases people who say they're introverted actually have social anxiety, which you can absolutely conquer.

Yes, this is very important. We give up way too much in modern society. "I can't help it", "I'm stuck like this", or "there's nothing I can do" are cop outs 99.99999% of the time.

Change is not always easy, but it is nearly always possible. Don't believe defeatists who want you to believe that you're stuck (a belief they usually push because they benefit from your non-movement).

From what I know from confident introverts (these guys and girls speak freely and not confused of sharp words, but never initiate pointless chit-chats), they actually hate people, their pointless emotions and dummy dreams. I'm not sure that they want to change.

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