In all seriousness, if you think that paying for tax advice is too expensive, wait until you see how expensive it can be when you don't get that advice. I've "been there, done that, paid the outrageous IRS penalties and interest" (I'm assuming that you're a U.S. citizen).

I'm currently in the process of setting up a new company and opted to pay an accountant on a monthly basis. It's going to cost me $150/month to have him handle the books for my fairly small business and ensure that I make the right payments at the right time. I probably could gone have gone even cheaper by paying for him to do some initial setup for QuickBooks and handling much of the rest on my own (with his occasional help). When I hired him, I told him exactly what my business goals were and how much I expected to make. Then I had him tell me what was the best way to pay myself. Ask other business owners you know for recommendations, if you can't find someone who charges a rate that you can afford.

I've been told that the IRS can crack down on you if you don't pay yourself a "reasonable" salary (which would require paying Social Security and Medicare) and only/mostly pay yourself through distributions. I consider the $1800/year that I'll be paying as cheap insurance against getting hit with a 5-figure penalty some time down the road. Plus, I can spend more of my time focusing on income-producing activities.