Comment by robterrin | Hacker News Reader

Comment by robterrin | Hacker News Reader

Thank you for creating something and trying to help people in one of life's most important activities. I want you to know that everything after this is coming from a place of genuine respect and support. My preemptive apologies for being blunt.

"The two of us had that sinking feeling in our early 20s that we’d missed our best opportunity to date," is a bad sign.

First, you were in your early 20's! Grow, learn, break a heart, get your heart broken, travel, read, get fired, start a nonprofit, experience life. Why were you so caught up in finding your optimal date while some of the best (i.e. most painful) growth opportunities were passing you by? I am not sure you have the perspective or life experience to be counseling people on something like dating.

Second, dating is not a game you can "win." One of my favorite professors ever, a statistics genius with possibly a touch of Aspergers, explained to our class one time how dating is like science. A "failed" experiment is knowledge gained about the world! A "failed" relationship is a chance to learn about yourself, others and relationships. The only way is to try.

Third, this is creating an arms race of banter instead of allowing people to genuinely connect. There's a famous OK Cupid article demonstrating why being your most authentic self is actually beneficial to your dating life (https://theblog.okcupid.com/the-mathematics-of-beauty-51bd25...).

There are a number of other reasons I think this is not a good way to spend your time, as a business, as a life pursuit and as a thing that detracts from the world, but I'll stop here so I don't sound like a complete jerk. I would strongly urge you to reconsider. Mostly, I think you just need time. Again, kudos on making a thing.

>Second, dating is not a game you can "win." One of my favorite professors ever, a statistics genius with possibly a touch of Aspergers, explained to our class one time how dating is like science. A "failed" experiment is knowledge gained about the world! A "failed" relationship is a chance to learn about yourself, others and relationships. The only way is to try.

I'd disagree with this. A failed experiment is valuable to the extent you're able to draw the correct conclusions from the failure, and there's not magical guarantee that people will be able to do so. I'd argue that many people, especially those who may use this service, don't really have the experience and context to place their failures into. I'd bet most would blame themselves for their failures and withdraw further into their own projections of what made them fail, such as their lack of money, good looks, etc.

>Third, this is creating an arms race of banter instead of allowing people to genuinely connect. There's a famous OK Cupid article demonstrating why being your most authentic self is actually beneficial to your dating life

I think this is the most pernicious dating advice I typically see. Besides the fact that people have many different facets of their 'self' and have no idea as to how to present their best attributes, it essentially tells people who are looking for reasons as to why they're failing "no, this is your fault". Much better advice would be to exercise, socialize more, take an acting or improv class, go to counseling - in short, don't just 'be' yourself, change who you are to become a better person.

> A "failed" relationship is a chance to learn about yourself, others and relationships. The only way is to try.

Sure, you can use that logic to argue that any skill should be self-taught in order to appreciate the "journey" of trial and error. But if you just want to learn a skill as efficiently as possible, in this case dating skills, it's nice to have access to expert advice.

What's your conversion ratio as an expert?

Yeah I'd love to read an expert post about how you maximize your ROI and reduce churn.

Reply on news.ycombinator.com