Personally, I'm more of a "Worried Teenage Girl in Bedroom With Pregnancy Testing Kit" kind of guy.
Sign me up for the ingrown toenail case
But have you seen Woman In Underwear Masturbating While Lying On Bed?
I dunno, I'm leaning toward "Pair of feet with deformed right toe with gout inflammation", which seems more family friendly, for when my kids play golf on my phone.