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If it was a private thing I would be totally with you, but the black bar's entire purpose is to send a public message to the community. It seems natural for the public reading the message to wonder why it was sent (or omitted) on a given occasion. It's not "why aren't you grieving?" but rather "what message are you trying to send us through displaying or omitting it?"

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The public message is that "someone who has had a profound impact on YC, or HN and its members has passed away". That impact is up to the operators to decide.

Much the same way a family remembers their loved ones, but doesn't grieve every important person who has passed away irrespective of their stature. Like parent was saying, it's a little discomfiting to see this discussed on threads.

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