* Most of the best & middling jobs in the region are in Manhattan
* You can live in Manhattan but you can imagine its super expensive. Good for singles, yuppies and wealthy families.
* The NYC suburbs/NJ across the river are a 30-60 commute, they are expensive too and largely apartments and small town houses. Public schools are often sub-optimal, traffic is bad, sometimes crime.
* City Fringe - LI/Westchester/Northern NJ - 60-90 min commute (when trains/buses are running): big houses, lots beautiful suburbs, good schools, backyard, maybe close to beach. The American dream. Some places are affordable but still expensive.
* Extreme Commutes - Much cheaper, wide variety of cities and towns, some great schools. Affordable for normal people. 2hr + commute for one of the parents
Other points
* in the 80s with high crime lots of firms moved out to the suburbs. This is now no longer in fashion as newer generations are happier to live in apartments and office parks are empty.
* The geography of NY is tough with the Hudson River & harbor making access difficult, and suburbs more remote than say LA or London.
* Other towns in the North East are struggling. Upstate NY, Connecticut, Southern NJ all suffer from shuttering firms, low employment and low wages so people will commute to get to NYC from those areas.
* Trains and Buses are super slow, the final few miles into Manhattan are often stop/start. updated infrastructure will help a lot. Would also increase urban sprawl though.
I chose to raise my kids in an apartment and avoid the commute. But I know they're missing out on a lot, maybe I'm selfish and the extreme commuters are the sensible ones.