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Comment by goodroot | Hacker News Reader

It's disturbing that, at least in Chicago, there appears to systemic conditioning that's convinced people sex is dangerous and scary.

> Among teenagers now, "there is a feeling you're getting of, 'Wow, the world is pretty serious, so why would I rush to immerse myself. . .Why don't I stay with my friends and away from anything that has heavy consequences, like pregnancy or sexually-transmitted diseases?'"

Sex is joyful. If you have sex safely, there is a very low risk of consequences, let alone heavy or lasting ones. I felt that interconnectivity and 'bar-lowering' by applications like Tinder would increase the level of frivolous sexual activity, not decrease it. My inner hedonism-bot is disappointed.

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Yes, sex can be joyful.

But sex is not a play toy, even if you're an atheist. The physiology of sex creates very strong bonding, and arbitrarily creating and then breaking those bonds is usually quite damaging to the human psyche.

I recently read Welcome to Your Brain, and the authors describe the neurochemical basis of those bond formations well, for those who might be interested.

Whos the publisher? Seems like an interesting read.

According to https://www.vanityfair.com/culture/2015/08/tinder-hook-up-cu... Tinder is probably decreasing people's interpersonal skills which makes relationships less appealing.

Basically, why commit? This person eats their food oddly, that person seems to have a sweaty forehead, etc.

In the age of Tinder, why bother getting invested in anyone? The next is just a swipe away (unless you're male, then good luck).

I disagree.

Sex puts you through a lot of suffering (disappointment, self-doubt, rejection, bad life decisions etc.) and simply is a great waste of resources (time, money, energy etc.) and in modern times even more so cause it isn't usually leading to procreation or long-term bonding.

Yes sex is nice but it has a heavy price.

Random sex with near-strangers can feel that way. In a committed relationship it's quite different.

> disappointment, self-doubt, rejection, bad life decisions etc.

Absolutely none of these are necessarily a consequence of sex, given a healthy and productive attitude toward physicality and interpersonal relationships.

I am genuinely sympathetic that you seem to associate these feelings with sexual relationships.

I appreciate the sympathy however (I hope) I can enjoy sex as much as anyone else.

My point is rather that describing sex as only joyful (also in a context of modern teenagers) is quite shallow.

You can look no further but to a few pop songs, watch a random movie or read some good poetry to learn that sex as a driving force is leading to confusion, suffering etc. It is also a force beyond our control on some level and as such could lead to serious life consequences - you can make some dumb life decision driven by sex.

Also historically and in many different cultures sex is seen rather as confusing force. People had been choosing lifetime celibacy, chastity etc. for a reason.

I think you might be, err, doing sex wrong if that's how you describe it.

I think he is confusing "sex" with "stuff people go through to get sex"...

If Tinder was good at creating matches they would go out of business. It is rigged. It is designed to create emotional dependency and sell in app purchases which is does so well it is the highest grossing app in the Apple app store.

> It's disturbing that, at least in Chicago, there appears to systemic conditioning that's convinced people sex is dangerous and scary.

Where are you getting that idea? It's just a WaPo article referencing a study just hosted on Chicago Tribune (Which itself caters more to a suburban rather than city audience)

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