In most jurisdictions, child support is more than the cost of raising a child. In Canada, equalizing incomes was the goal of the latest round of child support guidelines, not "support for the child".
For a US reference, see http://www.divorcecorp.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/The-Ec...
> I spent two decades supporting my husband's career. When we divorced, he still had a well paid job and twenty years work experience. I was starting over from scratch and was "lucky" to get a better-than-minimum-wage job to start.
And you should get compensated for that. The question is really how much, and how long.
> It aggravates me that the world as a whole acts like having kids and raising them is only a financial cost to men.
In some sense, it is. See research on the wage gap going back to the 1960's. Never-married childless women earn about the same as never-married childless men.
Once people get married and have kids, men take on additional work to pay for their kids. Women take on less work to take care of their kids.
This means men have higher "out of pocket" costs than women do. But women pay the "opportunity cost" of raising kids. Hence alimony.
> if you just don't want children at all, there are several viable solutions:
None of those are truly viable. They're necessary conditions to not having kids. But not sufficient.
In practice, a women can name any man as the father if she wants. No paternity test is necessary in most jurisdictions, and such tests are illegal in parts of Europe! In some states, if the father is notified of such a child and doesn't contest it within 30 days, he's determined to be the father, and has no right to fight it after that.
See any number of cases where men are paying for kids they didn't even know existed, who DNA proves aren't theirs.
The guy doesn't even have to have sex with her. If your girlfriend's room-mate sneaks into the room at night, grabs the used condom, and impregnates herself, well, as the man, you pay for 18 years. No choice, or you go to jail.
> That whole "sleeping with me will destroy your entire future" vibe is a distinct turn off for me.
As it is for men. The reality is that women hold essentially all control over reproduction. Women can choose to get pregnant, and can force any man to pay for their choices, for the next 18 years. At the threat of jail, losing jobs, passport, drivers license, etc.
It is entirely rational to be wary of such side-effects.
The point here is that while your choices have cost you, men don't have some magical happy land of money, cigars, whisky, and bro-hugs. There are costs and benefits to the choices made by both sexes.