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Comment by sho | Hacker News Reader

> you don't just walk up to people and strike up a conversation

I'd like to know what world you live in where this is any kind of option. Maybe "my introvert is showing" but I don't even consider doing this. Is this abnormal?

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"Guy who talks to the person sitting next to him on the plane" here. One of two things happen when you strike up a conversation with a strange: it abruptly ends and you go back to silence, or you learn a bit about someone else and get outside of yourself for a time. Either one is perfectly acceptable.

This is very normal in most parts of the United States but the South in particular.

Normal in most English speaking countries really, at least in Canada and England from my personal experience.

Very much not the case in the German speaking countries (where i have lived since early 2005). For a time this was one of my top reasons to want to immigrate to Canada (I was already working remotely for a Canadian startup at the time).

That probably depends greatly on where in Germany you live. Rural areas are probably more open to such interactions than big cities.

I lived in Vienna for almost 8 years and Berlin for 4. In the latter people were much more talkative (but still less so than in some other contries).

Not so much in crowded cities, such as NY, SF, etc.

Never lived in SF but it definitely happens in NYC all the time. Not some deep conversation perhaps but people exchange small talk with strangers on the subway, in parks, cafes etc.

The first time I visited NYC, I was in Manhattan for a trade show and I was expecting everybody to be rude or at least curt. Instead, I found people were incredibly friendly and I had an amazing time. My only disappointment was that at 4am most things were shut down. I thought NYC was supposed to be the city that never sleeps.

Traffic lived up to my expectations though. Driving to and from the hotel was a little stressful.

NYC is full of transplants from other places, so quite a few people know how to hang out and chat. If you're obviously not a New Yorker, they might realize that friendly out-of-town norms apply and engage with you.

But being considerate in New York usually looks like staying out of others' way. It might seem like unfriendliness to out-of-towners, but it's a (perhaps counter-intuitive) form of courtesy.

Lived in NYC for nine years; small talk amongst strangers is definitely not the norm unless there is some shared context (subway breakdown, for example)

It may be personality differences but I went to dinner with a guy's parents and a couple of other friends less than a month after meeting him in the NYC subway.

Maybe in towns, but not in big cities, NY, Chicago, LA, or even smaller ones like SF. Most of the time, if you try to strike up a conversation with a stranger, like trying to chat to someone you don't know on the train for example, they will be polite but not engage - and they will probably assume you're trying to sell them something etc.

Really? I consider myself pretty introverted in that nine times out of ten I'd rather be alone in my off time, but when I'm out and about doing things during the day, I wind up chatting with at least a few folks every day. Usually this is just for a few minutes, but it is not uncommon at all to meet someone with enough shared interests to have a real conversation. This is considered normal behavior, and no one would bat an eye at it. It's like that across most of the US.

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