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Enterprise at LAX has kiosks but every time I try to use one I end up having to go to the counter anyway. Possibly due to using a business travel agent but I'm not sure.

I think Hertz has a VIP feature for frequent renters where they can just walk right to the car.

Their job is to say "uh the computer isn't working" if you show up looking like a lowlife

That is exactly what I had at Hertz at Newark Airport the other day (when I booked via Expedia instead of Hertz direct which would have led to the more convenient “just get in a car and go” experience). I’d rather deal with a human though.

Isn't the human there to try to sell you insurances you don't need?