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I'd certainly like to be better at it and I do try but those first minutes a stranger while you are searching for a common topic can be gruelling. I'd rather be introduced by friends who say "you both like X" and go from there.

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Remember that everyone feels a little awkward meeting new people, and the first aim of small talk, before any other consideration, is to make the other person feel at ease. It's about them, not about you. You also have to have the courage to demonstrate genuine interest in others. If you only care about the ways that person relates to your particular interests, you will come off as disingenuous.

>before any other consideration, make the other person feel at ease

What excellent advice! My go-to line has been "what's been keeping you busy lately" which is a polite form of asking what someone "does" without making them them I only care what job they have.

That is how you should always interpret the "how are you?" question. Don't just say "I'm fine" - talk about what you did today, what you're going to do tonight, or tomorrow, or in the weekend. That's usually a good jumping off point to talk about some other topics.

Also: https://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/2008/03/18/88-dinner-partie...

Except when "how are you?" just means "hi".

I really like this twist, I'm going to start using it myself. Thanks!

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