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Ask HN: Review our startup's landing page

3 pointshyung7 comments

Although we're pretty good coders at our startup, we have almost no marketing experience. Pretty much everything we're picking up through HN, and this landing page is a direct result of what we've learned.

http://pocketcafegame.com/

Any advice or thoughts? Is there anything we're missing or should change?

Thanks!

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Pocket Cafe is the best casual restaurant iPhone game. Created by an award-winning iPhone development team, the game is already more than one year in the making.

This is you, you, you. Talk about me, me, me. In particular, "my" love of time management games.

Casual games is largely sold on the basis of art style (more photos!) and appeal to the customer's desire to live through the main character. You might want to consider naming that mascot of yours. I'd be thinking female names that wouldn't sound out of place at a PTA meeting in Kansas. (Look at your competitors: they all do this, for a reason.)

There is no reason to not have the call to action be instantly visible, above the fold.

My suggestion, move image to left or right, and put some of the text at the top next to it. I don't want to scroll down to sign up.

Complete Suggestion: Huge Text next to image: The Best Restaurant iPhone Game Underneath: Coming soon... We'll tell you when it's ready Underneath: Email: [________] [Submit]

You can also keep that other information underneath where it is now, but I think you need to get to the point for casual visitors so they know if they should sign up or not.

I'm gonna give you props for "Ever wish you could create a world more alive than a farm where nothing happens?" jumping out in bold.

Nice touch, perfectly targeted at your best audience.

I agree, nice way to phrase it. However it seems a little long? Do some A/B testing, see what works

FWIW, where it says "Already featuring _several hundred_ items, new content will be added regularly.", the underlining gave me an instinctive urge to click on it, expecting some sort of impressive showcase of the items.

Also, the graphic at the top seems a tad blurry, especially the words. It would be a lot more powerful if the edges and lines were crisper.

Thanks everyone for the advice! I've updated the landing page with everyone's comments.

- Moved the call to action to above the fold

- Changed the copy to focus on the player, not the game

- Added another image (more on the way)

http://pocketcafegame.com/

Direct link: http://pocketcafegame.com/

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