Comment by foobarchu | Hacker News Reader

Comment by foobarchu | Hacker News Reader

Parent Full thread

I don't think the point was that she shouldn't have shared that information with peers at all, it's that she needs to be more careful about exactly who she's telling it to. OP may easily be in a position later of promoting her to another position. Even if she is confident in her choices by that point, OP will still have that information tucked in their mind, and will (maybe unconciously) utilize it in their decisions.

Nobody is yelling at her or beating her down about this, but she needs to be more discrete in who she shares what information with. Even if you see someone as a friend, friends aren't all equally deserving of your hopes and fears.

I think a good analogy is group projects in school. If you had a classmate who you were good friends with, and they had been sharing with you how much they were struggling and that they were considering dropping the class...wouldn't you factor that information in when choosing partners for a group project? You might decide that "no, I like them too much", and go with them, but it's going to be a decision you have to make because you already possess the information.

A good group project with people who are mature enough to handle someone's expression of vulnerability without judgement might be what keeps them in the class.

If you reject someone over an expression of doubt, it was never about the doubt.

The one grayed down comment. I agree whole heartedly.

It's by a shadowbanned account. You'd need to have showdead on to see it.

The reality of group projects is that all too often, one person ends up doing most of the real work.

Group projects don't need to be more infantilising, they need to be more "shape up or ship out!"

It is not infantilizing to accept expression of doubt or some kind of negative feeling. People have opinions and feelings and sometimes express them. Getting scared of that and yelling "shape up or ship out" is as immature as stopping the work altogether because of it.

Also, in my experience, the people who express such feelings are the ones who tend to be willing to do a lot of work and also the boring work needed to finish the thing.

The one person doing all the work in group project imo, is because group projects are quite dumb exercises. It has little to do how real cooperation in just a little competently managed work works and keeps more hardworking people hostage to lazy ones. Regardless of whether it is lazy or hardworking who is more open about his state of mind. It has nothing to do with infantilization - many adults in same situation will slack, because that is how incentives are lined up.

Reply on news.ycombinator.com