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I'll pay whatever this guy is paying +$1 for the entire chain.

I would pay +$2. Oops, I guess BTC being worth zero is very unlikely.

you'd have the chain but not the keys

You can already have the entire chain for free.

It can go to 0 if people stop mining. Then you couldn't even make the transaction.

If everybody stopped mining I would start mining.

You couldn't - the difficulty would be too high.

I can help