> The first correct algorithm I can think of, expressed in the programming equivalent of pre-K level English
If I can think of it, then I hope it already exists and I can just reuse it. The tricky stuff that needs a lot of thought is the same stuff that you can't just reuse off the shelf.
> It boggles my mind when people who are just building an everyday website
If it is something so routine that it doesn't need to really be designed, then I guess you can do it right the first time from memory (shame you just can't reuse some functionality if it is so routine though).
> The code you're writing now will likely not survive another 2 years
I work in research where your code is lucky to survive 2 months. I don't disagree with you, but you can't crank out perfectly simple code on the first go if the design space is clear. Those abstractions usually don't exist because the programmer was trying to be clever, they often exist because the programmer was trying to solve the problem. Its only with hindsight that we can often see a better more simple way (and hopefully have time to go back and do the simpler way).