Why do we still shame adults who live with their parents? | Hacker News Reader

Why do we still shame adults who live with their parents?

theguardian.com

13 pointsstickydink7 comments

Why do we do it? America was literally founded on the idea of independence. That idea got turned into a personal virtue embedded into every citizen that was born and raised or immigrated here to "make it".

The independent spirit was commercialized capitalized on by advertisers and used as a way to sell us things. Houses with big yards in a quiet neighborhood, two cars, family vacations - all paid for by the sweat off your own back. Your value as a citizen and person was measured by how many things you could provide for your direct family.

We should adopt a more family-centered valuation of life (and not just the nuclear family, but extended family and 'found' family as well). But we won't. Somehow Americans have this idea that sacrificing something for someone who isn't your chosen partner or offspring is bad, and accepting help by anyone else is a sin.

It will be interesting to see how things will turn out in the next 25-50 years. People are becoming increasingly hyper-connected and at the same time mental health issues directly related to loneliness and depression are rising [1]. Will the new generation(s) finally reject the "American Dream" work ethic and self-reliance? It seems like it may be the only option moving forward.

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2017/08/170805165319.h...

I was in Mexico not too long ago at a friend's hacienda. Our conversation turned towards the frequency of multi-generational housing arrangements in Mexico versus the U.S. His explanation? Trees. The U.S. has always had an abundance of cheap lumber. Not so in Mexico. Consequently, houses are built of stone (or, more recently, cinder block) in Mexico. They have the potential to last centuries. The U.S. houses, on the other hand, are stick-frame wooden structures that won't last even the lifespan of the owner.

The upshot is that there is no great attachment to the home in which you were raised for an American; it will be eaten by termites or blown over in a storm long before your kids are born.

In Mexico, though, the house in which you were raised will be standing long after your parents are gone. And, if you stand to inherit it, there's no point in moving out.

Just one of many factors, of course. But, I enjoyed his immediate answer... it was very obvious to him.

> The U.S. houses, on the other hand, are stick-frame wooden structures that won't last even the lifespan of the owner.

I'm... confused about this. Our house was built in 1912 making it about 106 years old now. Sure - things have needed to be upgraded - gas lamps to fuses to breaker panel; single pane windows to double hung double pane; coal heating to gas furnace, etc... but the frame is still solid. Nothing is 16 inches on center, hahahaha (hahah :( ), but even the hard wood floors are original. A sanding and a re-stain / poly and their just as good as new.

When discussing populations of 300+ million, generalizations are to be expected.

Wood houses don't get blown over or eaten by termites very often, but they do get torn down and rebuilt larger every ~50 years due to rising land prices.

Our economy wants for everyone to have their own place. Companies lose sales if multi-generations share items. Look at advertisements and you'll see them emphasize the 1 generation home.

It wasn't always that way. The 20th-century economy and advertisement brought that to fruition.

We don't give the adman enough credit for the shape of our society. Advertisements are very powerful in shaping how we live but they only care about profits, not the overall impact.

It's not "adults who live with their parents" who are shamed, but specifically men. For women, it's completely acceptable and probably even "proves" that they're more responsible than men.

Must be male privilege.

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