Seeking Path Back to Life
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To what extent have you considered or tried peer support groups of people in similar situations to yourself? It sounds like you would benefit especially from meeting people who can empathise with your situation, and may be able to offer advice from personal experience.
Edit: Also out of curiosity, you mentioned you spent time in mainland Europe. Do you speak a foreign language or languages? If so, I'd say that's an ability, possibly a marketable one.
Sadly I am not fluent in anything. Like the rest of the skills it takes lots of time to become so and most places require degrees and certifications for any worthwhile jobs.
I can't give a very long reply now (it's approaching bedtime in the UK) but I will tomorrow.
Just one thing to ask right away, though: are you sure you can't get on disability? Would you mind telling us more about your condition and the appeals process in your state?
what is the injury and why are you unable to work? Why can you only work a few hours each day? What are the medical procedures you believe you require? Why was the reason given for denying you disability? What was the job / industry you originally had? What have you done since then?
If someone thinks they can truly help I am willing to spill even more in private but I believe the initial post covers the relevant things and states what I need and I took great care to preface lots of stuff.
Sorry to all for the slow replies. I got fairly discouraged as the post was apparently flagged several times and turnout was low. I do appreciate everyone's input.
I am a sometime lurker on this site who has created an account to tell you that I hope you get some kind of breakthrough or something good does happen. Probably that's not much help. Please hang on. I have read your post and also your comments to other posts and can see that you are an intelligent and good person. You love your cat, and she needs you, and yes, she does love you too!
Being not a programmer or sysadmin etc. myself there is not any concrete help I can give. I would hope that some here would be able to offer you some remote work?
You mentioned in one archived post I read something about a guy who was able to plot tankers on maps online. I suppose it is hard to get something like that, but can’t help wondering if some in HN crowd could have something along these lines. (What, I have no idea). I wonder how he got into that?
I hope that your current condition is at least in someway stable, eg, housing - I get what you are saying about Maslow’s bottom rung - you need work, stable housing and a chance.
Please hang in there.
I have cast this hail mary net over and over after exhausting my ability to create a path by myself, never resulted in anything but well wishes (which I appreciate but ultimately aren't a solution), interrogation from people who were never going to do anything anyway, and blame. This post was flagged repeatedly and buried before it had a chance. People won't help but they will fight you and argue with you and make it all about them. And naturally when you experience this over and over and have the resulting attitude about it as I do now...your attitude is then blamed as the problem in some absurd retcon. Truth is most people avoid suffering and need or worse attack it out of fear. It's the root of victim blaming and extends to a wide set of behaviors. See how most people react to the homeless as proof. When people rarely DO help at all they put so many conditions and judgment on it that it renders it ineffective in the long run.
I was fortunate enough not to be born in a war zone or some terrible poverty and had a few good years in my life but a fraction of what I had earned and would have occurred had my life not been stolen, but I was UNfortunate enough to be born in the USA where once I lost my value to the machine I was cast aside rather than helped to stabilize and be allowed a productive future....let alone any happiness. The United States of the Thunderdome made it's choice and I am screwed as a result. I want out for good...can't get out...another thing that was betrayed and derailed by someone's injurious actions. I want a small stable life. Can't get it as long as every foundation I build is knocked over by someone and then I am told to "stop being a victim" etc. I AM a victim...of repeated instances. It's not a choice or a viewpoint. I am not making excuses. This is reality and what has happened. I can't be responsible for other people's actions but am constantly treated as I should be...yet none of those people are held accountable for THEIRS.
Yeah I am angry, and depressed, and resentful...and rightly so and so would anyone who had lived this. But none of it matters. Screaming into a void for so many years out of pathetic desperation hanging on to imaginary hopes and dreams of just being allowed to have a life.
I find it appalling that there are no options for you. Its hard to find words. You are obviously highly literate and intelligent and could be good value for some one or entity with that kind of remote work. (4 hours a day and not having truckloads of qualifications but interest, software and operating system skills, life experience, maturity and reliability are a good signal to an entity with this kind of work).
Generally Phd’s and credentialled individuals don’t get jobs like the one we discussed, they will move on - niche jobs are the toughest to get, but employers really aren’t looking for elite credentials, just specific talents and trays.
Finding someone with your skillset who will work for 4 hours a day consistently and reliably is tough for employers - the other side of the coin. (Finding a job like this and an employer in this situation is the problem).
Hold on. This post may be buried but it isn’t going anywhere. (You are depressed and rightly so, I don’t know if there are any disability options for that, and you have investigated the system pretty thoroughly). I’m probably irritating you about now, but you know, you did what you could with this post, and risked it, that is something pretty good and very brave. Hang on, hang on, hang on, sometimes at the 11th hour..... (ok?).
(If it is a relative, doing that, that is a dysfunctional pattern, the truth is they will keep playing the game, but probably not evict you.) It may be even some person’s way of telling you you are depressed - weird but true - some don’t know how to do this. (In other words, they don’t know how to communicate this stuff, may care for you, and may be depressed themselves - I don’t know, I’m not a psychologist). Anyway, would be nice to know you are all right, and don’t worry, I won’t post again - just say “I’m still around”, and we will leave it at that. Take care.
Pay particular attention to the four criteria in paragraph 12.04B. Understand that SSI is primarily for people who are unemployable and only incidentally for people who are disabled. If you make use of that understanding, you will get your check and your medicaid card.