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Goodbad

"Conflicted" seems to capture it but isn't very poetic.

There is more interesting language available if you are oscillating between views e.g. "vacillate" but not really the same as ambivalence.

"Zwiespältig"

Torn?

"I'm all out of faith / This is how I feel, I'm cold and I am shamed / Lying naked on the floor ..."

And appropriately for this story, "illusion never changed / into something real" :)

I've always thought of "ambivalent" as indicating fairly strong mixed feelings. I think it's actually the word you want. For the first meaning, I would go with "indifferent".