There are institutes where they can be housed and cared for, instead of having to care for them 24/24, at least where I live. Most end up there by adulthood anyways, considering how hard it is to care for adults compared to children, especially when you're aging, and come back for week ends or the like.
Yes, there are programs in most states to help the parents in this sort of situation, but most of these programs let the benefits run out when the child reaches around 21-25 years of age.
She had this one child that was severely non-verbal, she did everything in her power to get the County school system to do the right thing but they refused to give her the classes she needed. So, long story short, the parents refused to give up and told their Pastor. The Church went to court and won and the kid got their services. The kid afaik is still non-verbal but is doing much better.
When my mom asked the pastor, why the church went to bat was because they had hope that the kid would get better and it was the right thing to do.
Now, I say all this to say this, that people will do what they think is right. They want their best for their children just as the parent who stubbornly got their church to go to bat for them. And the parents who put their children in homes want the best quality of life.
And I don't necessarily see them as giving up, we perceive that, but I feel deep down, they aren't. They want whats best for their kid.
In other words, I’m not going to stare, or look away from a disabled kid. I’m also not going to invest emotionally, or go out of my way to change how I think and act day in and out for them. If someone asks me for help, I’ll help, but they’re not likely to register for me otherwise. I won’t look away, but I also won’t look; disability doesn’t make me more or less invested in strangers.
How about they are people of the same dignity as anyone else?
A dear friend of mine in high school has a sister with Downs Syndrome who is 13 years younger than she is. My friend's parents have missed out on so much of what most people view as the good parts of life.
They missed my friend's college graduation because her sister refused to go. Literally, "we can't make it because your sister doesn't want to go." They missed their son's wedding and the birth of his first child because of this as well.
They have to spend tens of thousands of dollars a year on care to be able to work, and they can't quit their jobs to care for her because of insurance and income reasons. They are both well into retirement age at this point and they are forced to work demanding jobs still.
It's put a strain on the entire family, and the only time my friend's life is ever discussed in any way is when she's making 'wrong' choices. When she graduate college, she didn't get so much as a congratulations; when her brother married, he and his wife received a rushed phone call congratulating them and nothing more.
I am fully on board with the idea that there is an essential dignity to all people, but I think that asking why people make these choices is still a completely valid question to ask, especially when you consider the blatantly deleterious effects that such a choice can have. Even if for no other reason than understanding, this is an important question to ask.