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"...neurological diversity should be understood in terms of abnormality = deficiency..."

Diversity becomes deficiency (or a diagnosable illness, or whatever) when it interferes with ones' path through life or enjoyment of life. In other words, when it becomes a problem.

If everyone around you is happy behaving socially and you are not, you have a problem.

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For sake of argument, if everyone around you is a sociopath and you are not and are feeling empathy and compassion, you'll have problems too, but it's not you who's deficient.

Having a problem doesn't mean your condition need be considered pathological.

By "everyone around you", I meant the majority of everyone else in the world.

The majority is always sane.

If everyone's got the plague does that mean they're all in tip top health? Nope. Festering, bulbous pustules are what they are, and don't magically transform by force of numbers.

The same goes for the tendency to mechanically pigeonhole others - it is what it is, a mania for rigidly organizing the (supposedly) rigidly organizing. It sees its own whimsical image in the mirror and explodes with delight.

That's a naked (and unconvincing) appeal to total-relativism.

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