Ask HN: mental health, personal ambitions, visa issues | Hacker News Reader

Ask HN: mental health, personal ambitions, visa issues

7 pointsthrowaway_9128 comments

I'm not from the USA, but I've been here for years, first on a student visa and then on a worker visa.

I've been happy with many of the jobs I've had, but I've wanted to do something from scratch, of my own, for a long time now. As far as I can tell there isn't any easy legal way to do this. Most of my American friends aren't in a position where they could join a startup I started. I'm also not terribly interested in killing myself to make money for investors; I'd really like to have something more like a lifestyle business.

It seems I have to choose between fulfilling my own ambitions or staying here.

The decision is complex now because I have traditionally been a bit fragile mentally. It's taken me years but I feel like I have a good stable situation here, even though I am still a bit of a loner. It takes me years and years to build up good relationships.

Moving somewhere else again, even back "home", is going to ruin all that. I haven't seen anyone from there in almost a decade. There are also some issues I have with people in my home country that I wouldn't be able to avoid.

I've tried to do stuff "on the side" but I have the kind of mind where I either give 100% or I don't. If something else is "top of mind" then it immediately is reflected in my work product, and I cannot afford to be less than excellent on the job, or I'll be booted out of the country.

So here are the choices I see:

- Give up on my ambitions, choose mental stability, stay on visas or even apply for a Green Card and then be stuck with the same employer for 7-9 years.

- Go for broke on my ambitions, leave the USA, lose touch with the only place that feels like home, risk slipping into depression.

Advice?

That is a real dilemma. If you feel more connected here, then it makes more sense to stay here. Of course, I understand that this might mean that you would have to work for an employer for 7-9 years, but I think that this will give you time to be financially stable and also to start working on some startup stuff in your non-working hours. This is hard to do, but with discipline it can be done. Going broke would make me not even consider the second choice, since that leaves you in a vulnerable state mentally and financially, which is no better than simply staying in the US and working for some company. One of the good things about having a stable job is that you can bootstrap the initial stages of your own company. I know I cannot completely answer your question, so please just take this as a bit of advice from a potential friend.

Thanks for your advice.

By the way, "go for broke" is just an expression. It means to commit fully.

After I read this, I felt like I was the one writing it.

I am in a similar situation and am still struggling to find a way out. I have tried to work on stuff on the side but it always fizzles out after a short while and I lose all motivation to work on it. The main problem is that there are no people around me who are in a similar situation / think like I do: which kind of make it even more difficult!

I was thinking of just taking a month or so off and just relaxing and starting on a project. Not sure if it'll work but I know that just whining and not doing anything about it isn't going to get me anywhere. Just keep working at it and something will work out. If I try, I risk failure, if I don't, I ensure it!

Feel free to get in touch with me (email in profile) if you want to discuss more.

Speaking as an American who left Silicon Valley to go bootstrap a "lifestyle" business somewhere cheaper, I think the US is really over-rated. It's expensive to live and work in the US, especially the Bay Area, and you can still target American / Western customers with whatever software product you want to produce while spending much less in your home country (assuming your home country is cheaper than the US).

My advice is to try to find a middle ground here, since the mental and other risks associated with option #2 might undermine your awesome ambitions.

What's your current visa status?

H1-B.

How old are you?

When you are 20, 7 years seems like a long time. When you are 35 it doesn't seem too bad anymore.

I think it's the other way round. Someone who is 20 can expect to still be single and energetic when they are 27 or even 29.

If you are 31, then you are looking at doing a startup when you are 40+. Who knows if you will have the energy, not be tied down by family, or even still have relevant skills.

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