Hacker News Reader

Comment by adityapurwa | Hacker News Reader

My personal thoughts.

1. Treat them with love. 2. No hitting that damages them. 3. Appreciate them like you appreciate an adult. 4. Dont lie, ever, even if it was a joke or making them fooled. (Like saying ill buy you candies if you stop crying, yet you didnt actually buy the candies). 5. Be there, and listen. 6. Never argue with your spouse in front of them, or in front of anybody. 7. Dont lecture them in public. 8. They are smart, dont let them do the mistakes that you once did. 9. What they eat shapes them. 10. Help them fix their mistakes, no need to blame them. (Broke the glass? Help them fix it. 11. If you have multiple children, if you buy a present, buy for all of them.

View on HN

>2. No hitting that damages them.

To the best of my knowledge, all violence hurts children, even if it doesn't damage them physically. There's a wide variety of studies I've seen over the years that suggest negative outcomes for kids due to corporal punishment.

Here's one such meta analysis from a quick search, but there's plenty more out there: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3768154/

Agreed with the remainder of your points. Though what's actually is difficult is the execution of all that, in my opinion.

> 2. No hitting that damages them.

hoo. what? No. Hitting is a hardline. I understand that it is popular in some cultures but I have yet to see any studies that confirm its usefulness. If anything, it was morally damaging for me.

So no, please. Don't your child, or any other kid. Or anyone for that matter (excluding self defense)

If you imagine hitting here as me forming fist and hit them, then maybe i chose the wrong word. Its more like tapping them, hands open. I usually do it when im in crowd and my kid fools around that might disturb people. I’ll tap them twice to get their attention, usually on their shoulder, but never on their head. Then tell them what is wrong with their behaviour. If they do it again ill tap them again and they will know what it means. I never hit my kids with a fist.

I mostly avoid shouting or speaking loudly, so the best way for me to get their attention is usually by “hitting” them.

No hitting that damages them includes moral damage, but then again its hard to measure.

No, people know what you mean. They're telling you that all forms of hitting children are wrong.

I used to believe #6 (never argue with your spouse in front of them). But if you and your spouse have a healthy relationship, displaying and modeling productive disagreement and arguing can be helpful. The world is full of disagreements. Where else will kids learn to properly "fight fair?"

It's likely wrong things will be said and mistakes made in the midst of an argument. When this happens, debriefing with the kid later can be a useful exercise in admitting your own faults, while also showing that life isnt always perfect.

Reply on news.ycombinator.com