It looks like there are the beginnings of both of these in Julia:
Part of this is why we did JuliaDB: http://juliadb.org/ and continue to try push the boundaries on parallelism, missing data, OnlineStats.jl and making data manipulation and modeling that much easier.
I've joked before, about how there is no such thing as a "One Language To Replace Them All", however, I feel Julia is the best candidate for the "One Language To Rule Them All", since while it solves the "two-language" problem in many cases, you can use it bind code written in many languages together (hopefully in a bit nicer fashion than the "One Ring" bound the other rings and their users!)