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I was expecting suggestions on what to EAT for breakfast.

Here's your alternate article, then:

1) Protein & Fruit (say an omelette & cup of blueberries)

2) Not sugary stuff, ie most cereal, white bread toast, anything that begs to be slathered in Aunt Jemima.

I slept through a year of Trig because of Aunt Jemima.

I slept through a year of Trig because of Aunt Jemima.

That's the best sentence I've seen on News.YC this year.