Quick question, which produces better results, going to the gym, or thinking about going to the gym over and over in your head? How about public speaking?
Think of it as a muscle to be exercised. An actor friend of mine described acting in the same manner.
I hear people say — I'm already 30 and starting to exercise is too late, or that they're intimidated by other people at the gym, or that they don't know where to start. Having gone through a similar experience as yours, I gotta say you just have to start. Don't overthink it. You'll fail. Try again, keep at it, and eventually there'll be a breaking point.
Good luck.
This is the thinking you have to get away from. The expectations are not that great, and if you think they are, this just makes you more anxious. You'll be surprised how forgiving/nice/helpful people can be when you're vulnerable or screw up. So go and do it anyway, and ask forgiveness later.
I discovered that worst-case situations were actually easier, because failure was expected and thus didn't hurt.
Asking out a plain girl was difficult. Asking out an ugly one meant that a rejection would be devastating. ("even the ugly ones reject me")
So, what to do...? I marched myself out to the city park and ordered myself to approach the hottest women I could find.
One day I walked through the park and spotted an impossibly beautiful woman in a skimpy bikini. She was lying on a stone bench, covered in tanning oil. I walked past thinking "damn...", and then I had to walk past her again just to get another look. Then a silly thought popped into my head: "ask her out". Ha, ha, ha... no seriously, do it. You have to. After passing by a few more times, I said to myself that it was hopeless but I'd be kicking myself if I didn't try. Go on, get the rejection, it doesn't matter. She could get any guy, so it doesn't reflect badly. It's just practice. It's good to practice so you don't fumble over your words.
Well, she took me home with her.
I froze hard with shyness soon afterward, but hey, it was progress. Each time gets easier.
Fundamentally, rejection hurts. The more you get rejected, the more it hurts, because you can no longer excuse it as being about the other person. Recovering from a rejection can take years.